Dean Jones welcomes everyone with typical warmth and gusto and introduces us to three others who will also welcome us, making this the most thorough welcome I have ever received. All the attention, though diluted because I am forced to share it with my peers, makes me feel special and loved. I drink it up. The other students (only one of whom is wearing a baseball cap) seem to be quite pleased with the reception as well.
The three speakers:
1. Justice Wiggins, an Iowa Supreme Court Justice. Justice Wiggins gives all sorts of great advice, but all I can think about is the movie Pygmalion. In the film, linguistic brainiac Henry Higgins attempts, on a bet, to transform coarse, foul-mouthed flower girl Eliza Doolittle into a girl who could flourish in a high society world.
The analogy, though loose, isn’t all that far off. Take us, sculpt us, teach us how to use “the force” in a legal world that we don’t understand. Pass of us off as REAL lawyers.
Bonus: Using this principle of mentor aided transformation, which movie will our class resemble the most?
A. Pygmalion—a cockney accented class from the gutter who, thanks to the sagely (if inhuman) advice of our mentor is able to pass ourselves as members of polite society?
B. The Bad News Bears—a rag tag group of underachievers who, with proper guidance, shocks the world?
C. Pretty Woman—a class that prostitutes our values for money but eventually learns what love is?
D. She's All That—a class that seeks validation through an arbitrary coronation ceremony only to lose it (but be happy with ourselves anyway)?
2. The head of the Iowa State Bar Association Joel Greer is up next. He tells a funny lawyer joke and intimates that either former governor Tom Vilsack or current governor Chet Culver may have graduated at the bottom of his class at Iowa. Day one and we’re already getting some dirt. I like his style. He also exhorts us "not to forget our family," which is good because my father Dan or Darwin or whatever was quickly becoming just another fuzzy memory. I feel changed already.
3. Carin Crain, who will be the new Associate Dean of Students, seems extremely pleasant and also gives a warm welcome. She wants us in her office if we have a problem (school related or not), or even if we don't have a problem. This should put somewhere around 700 students in her office on a daily basis. So now everyone knows where the party’s at.
The rest of the day proceeds without significant hitch: My FYI people (Joe and Kara) are extremely helpful and friendly and my professor politely refrains from Socratically abusing anyone in my class. What luck!
All in all, here are my stats for the day:
Number of questions asked: 2
Number of answers given: 1
Free food received: tiny muffin, bagel with cream cheese, orange juice, lunch, lollipop (from the Registrar's Office), ice cream. There were also vague promises of free pizza from
student organizations in the future.
Number of Socratic bitchslaps received-- 0.
Number of lockers rented-- 1/2
Number of name tags worn in one photo—2
Errors: 1 dropped muffin, 1 lost orientation schedule, 1 piece of refuse embarrassingly thrown in a recycling bin (Now I must live with my shame).
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