Bill Clinton Endorses Barack Obama

Former United States president and saxophone playing heartbreaker Bill Clinton endorsed Illinois Senator Barack Obama’s bid for the presidency yesterday in what Beltway insiders are calling one of the biggest coups in the history of American politics.

Shortly after announcing his support, Mr. Clinton accepted an offer to work full time as the Iowa State Director of Barack Obama’s campaign, forcing him to reject offers from other presidential hopefuls such as Hillary Rodham Clinton, his wife and mother of his only child.

On Monday morning Clinton emerged from his front door, his lower body wrapped in a white monogrammed towel, to explain the rationale for his recent political play.

“Hillary’s a good girl,” he said as he towel dried his head, “but that Barack Obama is really making waves. I mean, everybody loves Obama. Hillary? Not so much. I figured it be good for me to get on this boat while there was still room.”

As the Iowa State Political director for Obama’s campaign, Mr. Clinton said that he will be employing his considerable political prowess and public speaking skills for one purpose and one purpose only, “excluding the best from the rest,” adding, “there is simply no one out there who I trust to lead this country in the kind of positive direction that Obama will.”

When further questioned about the kind of principles involved in heartlessly abandoning his wife’s camp, Clinton replied brusquely. “Look, I’m not the kind of amateur that shakes someone’s hand and then decides that they’re the best person for the job. I’m a pragmatic politician. That being said, I hope she doesn’t take this personally.”

His wife Hillary expressed some concern over the move, stating, “I felt that the offer we made him was more than generous, but this is how politics work. You’re not going to get all the best consultants, no matter how well connected you are. But still, I do kind of feel disappointed in him. I really never thought that this man, Bill Clinton, would ever betray my trust like this,” adding, "never."