The World Bank announced yesterday the hiring of Gerry Wolfman as the next President of the world’s largest international loan institution. Wolfman, a former investment banker and part time lycanthropic shapeshifter, will succeed disgraced sitting President Paul Wolfwitz, who in turn replaced two term president Paul Wolfensohn.
A spokesman for the institution, Doug Shroeder, explained the recent hiring. “We here at World Bank have a long and rich history of handing the reins of our operations over to people with wolf-related names. The wolf, one of the most respected and feared carnivores to be found in nature, carries associations the World Bank like to think of as positive. The word wolf implies that the bank is strong and aggressive, even predatory, in its fight against poverty.”
Shroeder then elaborated on why the threatening name is so vital to the success of the bank’s operations. “You see, it’s like the rest of the world, the impoverished parts, are sheep. Sheep are very docile and helpless animals. They are peaceful, but they lack the ambition or drive that help you succeed economically. The wolf can be that kind of strong presence that the sheep need to reach their full free market potential. Our job here at the World Bank is to put the wolf in with the sheep as a model for growth.”
To win the nomination, Wolfman had to beat out a talented and experienced pool of applicants that included such international banking luminaries as Donald Rumsfeld, Wolf Blitzer, and Michael J. Fox, all of whom were also finalists for the post.
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