Accomplisher of Things, Destroyer of Birds

Remember that post about killing two birds with one stone by reading cool, page-turning litigation stories that offered both enlightenment and entertainment?

Well that got kind of boring. After all, killing two birds with one stone is really that hard. It's almost formulaic at this point. If you're unfamiliar with the recipe, let me walk you through it.

First you toss a stone into the air, clipping some unsuspecting bird's wing. Then watch as he flounders about for a moment. It's a well known fact that birds in the air who have lost the ability to fly behave much like humans in the water who cannot swim. . . they grab desperately at the nearest object.

Uh oh, the only thing he sees five hundred feet in the air is another bird.
Now watch and smile as he clings and claws at the bird closest to him and the two fall at high velocity to the hard, unforgiving ground below.
Bravo. Two birds, one stone.

But this formula got kind of old for me. Only two birds with each throw? Was that even worth it? Was there any way that I could improve my yield of birds per stone?

There was. The artwork above briefly illustrates how I was able to successfully kill and mutilate not one, not two, but three birds with just one enormous, favorably placed stone.

Last week, I realized that if I read a legal thriller in Spanish, I would improve my bird per stone capacity by 33%. I would be entertained by the fast pace and witty banter of a Grisham novel, I would be exposed to the inner workings of America's labyrinthine legal system, plus I could spend some time working on my Spanish. And so I did just that, dutifully laboring through the entire 460 pages of legal storytelling and finishing The Testament one day before I leave for RAGBRAI and then Iowa City.

The book itself wasn't all that special: lots of traipsing about in the jungle needlessly fretting about gators and anacondas. But like all Grisham books, it was intensely readable, and come hell or high water, you need to find out how it resolves itself. Plus, there's a pretty cool scene where a cow gets killed by an airplane. (Although, in retrospect, this could have been an error in translation).

But the major bonus about reading the book was the kind of practical experience it gave me. I can picture it now: next year, when I'm working in the legal clinic and some guy approaches me with a case dealing with the death of one of the richest men in the world and a mysterious heir who lives in the heart of Brazil's rain forest, I will already have a quick, hassle-free blueprint for how to handle it. Hell, maybe I can just specialize in these kinds of cases.

Tune in next week, when I listen to The Pelican Brief, on audiotape, in Swahili, while cooking dinner and doing leg bends. Those five birds will be unrecognizable when I get through with them.

Author's note--
No birds or cows were harmed during the writing of this post or reading of the book El Testamento. Much of the Spanish however, was needlessly massacred and misinterpreted.