One Small Step for Man, One Giant Leap for Abused Man-like Hominids

Wow. Spain is taking the lead in granting certain limited rights to the great apes. For all you speciesists out there, don't worry, it's not the right to own property or speak freely or anything like that. It's basically the right not to be tortured. Can we all at least agree on that?

The detractors have a point though. Even though the intent behind this legislation appears to be humane and admirable, the legislation will only make the heavily financed chimpanzee lobby (pictured above) all the more powerful and unstoppable. You really do have to strike a balance.

In Light of New Evidence, Cornucopia Officially Withdraws Support of Apes

Doesn't it always work like this? You speak in support of the ape community and then then one of them does something to make you regret it. Just goes to show how one bad apple can ruin it for everybody. I've never been more embarrassed in my life.

Planet of the Apes

I had always hoped that once we were able to communicate with our chimpanzee/bonobo brothers, we would be able to explain to them that we (humans) were extremely sorry for all the pain, misery, and underestimation that we have put them through these past several millenia or so. In my perfect world, the chimp would then say something like "I can't forgive you, but I will probably forget, because my level of cognitive development, while still high, is not as advanced as you humans."

Well, it turns out, that hope of mine was in vain. Why? Because the memory of a chimpanzee leaves nothing to be desired. This fascinating/mind-blowing article relates how a chimpanzee recently beat all comers (including a champion memory guy) in a series of memory related tests.

So, chimp community, I'd like to officially apologize for my species selfish and dismissive attitude toward the rest of the animal kingdom. I just hope that when the revolution takes place, and you hunt us down like like dogs and exact revenge upon us for the slights that we committed to your forefathers, you remember those of us who came forward to embrace your superiority and trumpet your cause.

And I have no doubt that you will remember that. Because that's what chimps do so well.