Tips For Playing Scrabble in Guanajuato

The Basics

Here’s the setup. The only board we have was found at a rental house, so we have to make do. It’s a Spanish board with Spanish tiles, so all English and Spanish words are acceptable. If there is a challenge of an English word, we will search in the official scrabble tournament word list online. If there is a challenge of a Spanish word, we will use the nearest Spanish/English dictionary that’s handy.

After challenges have been made, it is requisite that all players at the table sound off on how arbitrary/stupid/ridiculous it is that the disputed word is/isn’t a playable word. If you’ve been drinking heavily (which you will have been) please act especially outraged at the injustice of it all.

Choosing a teammate

If you are playing on teams, plan ahead when picking your teammate. In a sense, this is a bit like picking a vice presidential candidate; you should have someone that shores up your weaknesses and complements the ticket. If you are not a Spanish speaker, make absolute sure that you have someone who speaks (or more importantly, writes) it well; if you’re completely drunk, select someone who voluntarily refrains from the bottle; if you’re illiterate, choose someone who has experience with letters and words. You get the idea.

If you have failed to complement your inadequacies with superior talent, don’t fear. Played at a rather European pace, games in Guanajuato can last upwards of three hours, meaning that either you or your teammate will probably have lost interest and left the table long before the game’s completion.

Point values

Be careful of the point values on the tiles. While q may be an extremely potent letter in English Scrabble, due to the relative ubiquity of q’s in common Spanish words (que, querer, queso, etc), its influence in this game has been halved. It is now worth only 5 points.

On the other hand, get an “ll” and you’re in for a treat. It’s worth 8 points and may be used as simply two l’s in English.

A final note on tile usage, the ñ may be used simply as an “n.” This rule, though established by ample precedent in previous matches, will also surely be disputed a number of times throughout the game.

Bonus Points, First Category

The basic rule is that any sex-related word is automatically doubled. Of course, what constitutes a sex-related word is a perpetual bone (sex related word?) of contention.

In order for a word to be considered a “sex-related” there must be an official table roll call. Though there is no hard and fast rule on this, at a table with 8 players, 4 votes is usually the de minimis standard that one must reach in order to be awarded double points. A rule concerning the quorum necessary for a vote to take place has never been officially established.

If at all possible, avoid dual-usage words such as “date” or “bed.” Usually, someone will say something like “Feb. 17th is a date, that’s not sexual.” This will be followed by a dispute and various lobbying efforts in an effort to secure votes. Instead, try to stick with words like “coitus” (the opening word for one of our games) or “whore,” which generally do not allow for more than one legitimate meaning.

Before you play your word, make sure you have thoroughly formulated your argument for why it should be considered “sex-related.”

I ran into this problem playing the word “roadies,” which I claimed was both a seven-letter and sexual word. Though I won over several votes quickly, I ran into a stiff resistance from people familiar with the distinction between groupies and roadies, and ultimately lost the case. "Anus" was also shot down after a lengthy discourse on the fine differences between its nominal (anus) and adjectival (anal) forms.

Note to the world: this is what happens when you get a bunch of lawyers together to play an otherwise civil board game.

Remember, though the match may seem good-natured and friendly, at its heart it is an example of board-game-realpolitik at its most vicious and unforgiving. In all likelihood, the “goodwill” of your opponents is probably based on shady political alliances or some sort of long-term, self-serving strategy.

Thus, even if you feel like you have a word that is unquestionably “sex-related,” it might not fly. This is especially ture if the game is tight. This means that your opponents are more willing to sacrifice good sportsmanship and the respect of their peers for their sweaty quest for victory.

Be aware of this and form alliances early on.

Bonus points, Second Category

In addition to sex-related words, one other category of words will be selected as having double point value. This category will be chosen according to the night the game is played on. If it is the night before your academic finals and you should be studying, double points will be awarded for words concerning international transactions. If it is the last night of the NBA Finals, sports words will be awarded double points.

For example, playing the word “pathetic” would be sports-related because it aptly describes the performance of the L.A. Lakers and, especially, Kobe Bryant (sorry Ryan) in their final match against the Celtics. "Rejoice" and "smug" would also be acceptable words because they were illustrative of my reaction to that lopsided victory.

And yes, if you can play a word that is both sex-related and sports-related, (“balls” for instance) you will be awarded quadruple points.

Of course, the holy grail of point combinations would be playing a seven letter word (+50 points) that is sex-related (x2), sports-related (x2), and falls on a triple word score (x3). I think a strong argument could be made that the word “ballers,” if appropriately played, would fall into this category.

Parting Thoughts

That should give you a pretty good start. And don’t be afraid of all the rules changes. Equipped with these tips and just a little bit of self-confidence, you’ll be able to go out there and show all those lawyers how the game is played. Just remember, you’re a baller.

Guanajuato (Guana-what-o?)

The mummy museum:

A while ago the authorities in Guanajuato started digging up the graves of people whose relatives couldn't afford to pay the graveyard fees (two guarantees: death and taxes right?). It turns out the minerals in the soil in Guanajuato naturally preserve human tissue and (especially) clothes, so they had all these creepy loooking mummies on their hands. If the mummies are presentable enough to make the cut, they put them in this museum.

This might be the coolest and most truly macabre museum I’ve seen in my life. My favorite bit? the little baby mummies perfectly preserved in cute, perfectly preserved baby blue cardigans (see above). In addition to the spooky music that keeps you on your toes as you make blind turns into new exhibition rooms, interpretations on Simon and Garfunkel play in the background free of charge. (Seriously).

Spanish speaking:

I’m currently doing the majority of my sightseeing with two excellent Spanish speakers, both who more or less speak it as a first language. This is obviously a plus and a minus. Plus: I can listen to them speak and crib notes and ask them questions. Minus: Whenever there is any millisecond break in communication or pause for reflection they are quick to the rescue. Eso es la vida.

The Basilica in Guanajuato:

It’s quite beautiful and impressive, but it’s under construction so I haven’t taken a picture. On one occasion I raised my camera, ready to capture her majesty, imperfections and all. But then felt a little dirty, like I was taking a picture of someone who wasn’t fully clothed without their permission. When the scaffolding on the walls of the basilica has been removed, I will get the shot that both I and the Basilica deserve.

The Ex-Hacienda Outside of Town:

The Ex-Hacienca included the luxurious mansion and immaculate, sprawling gardens where the nobles lived and played while the peasants slaved away in the hot Mexican sun. Some of them were over a million acres large. A million acres. Diego Rivera and Grant Wood would have been rolling, mummy-like, in their graves. Viva land reform!

Accomplisher of Things, Destroyer of Birds

Remember that post about killing two birds with one stone by reading cool, page-turning litigation stories that offered both enlightenment and entertainment?

Well that got kind of boring. After all, killing two birds with one stone is really that hard. It's almost formulaic at this point. If you're unfamiliar with the recipe, let me walk you through it.

First you toss a stone into the air, clipping some unsuspecting bird's wing. Then watch as he flounders about for a moment. It's a well known fact that birds in the air who have lost the ability to fly behave much like humans in the water who cannot swim. . . they grab desperately at the nearest object.

Uh oh, the only thing he sees five hundred feet in the air is another bird.
Now watch and smile as he clings and claws at the bird closest to him and the two fall at high velocity to the hard, unforgiving ground below.
Bravo. Two birds, one stone.

But this formula got kind of old for me. Only two birds with each throw? Was that even worth it? Was there any way that I could improve my yield of birds per stone?

There was. The artwork above briefly illustrates how I was able to successfully kill and mutilate not one, not two, but three birds with just one enormous, favorably placed stone.

Last week, I realized that if I read a legal thriller in Spanish, I would improve my bird per stone capacity by 33%. I would be entertained by the fast pace and witty banter of a Grisham novel, I would be exposed to the inner workings of America's labyrinthine legal system, plus I could spend some time working on my Spanish. And so I did just that, dutifully laboring through the entire 460 pages of legal storytelling and finishing The Testament one day before I leave for RAGBRAI and then Iowa City.

The book itself wasn't all that special: lots of traipsing about in the jungle needlessly fretting about gators and anacondas. But like all Grisham books, it was intensely readable, and come hell or high water, you need to find out how it resolves itself. Plus, there's a pretty cool scene where a cow gets killed by an airplane. (Although, in retrospect, this could have been an error in translation).

But the major bonus about reading the book was the kind of practical experience it gave me. I can picture it now: next year, when I'm working in the legal clinic and some guy approaches me with a case dealing with the death of one of the richest men in the world and a mysterious heir who lives in the heart of Brazil's rain forest, I will already have a quick, hassle-free blueprint for how to handle it. Hell, maybe I can just specialize in these kinds of cases.

Tune in next week, when I listen to The Pelican Brief, on audiotape, in Swahili, while cooking dinner and doing leg bends. Those five birds will be unrecognizable when I get through with them.

Author's note--
No birds or cows were harmed during the writing of this post or reading of the book El Testamento. Much of the Spanish however, was needlessly massacred and misinterpreted.

Winterset Featured in International Press

The other day I logged on to the homepage of El Pais, the most widely read daily newspaper in Spain. I was expecting to get some news on Eto'o Fils (who plays for Barcelona) and bone up on my Spanish. Imagine my surprise when, upon arriving at the site, I was met with a picture of Winterset, Iowa and feature about John Wayne.

The sun never sets on Iowa's empire. . .
Although sometimes winter does.