Five MORE Interesting Legal Principles: Part II of a Series

Disclaimer: I hope it is clear that these principles, being both hazily remembered and heavily embellished, are in no way to be taken as legal advice--

1. The Dodgy Guy Washing Your Already-Clean-Windshield-Rule:

Sometimes you can receive payment from people for services even when they haven't requested it. A doctor who stops and performs an emergency trachiatomy with his Swiss army knife to save your life is a good example of this. Although he's probably just going to get the fair market value of the operation, even if he's a world famous and typically charges much more. This is possible because most people assume that an unconscious person, if asked, would indicate his desire to be saved. You can't, however, confer a benefit on someone who, if you asked, wouldn't have wanted the service or requested it. So, you know that kind of dodgy guy who runs up and washes your windshield and then kind of sits there hinting that you owe him something?* Of course, we all do. Now you can simply roll down your window and explain to him that there is a long-established common law principle that supports the idea that you can't confer a benefit on someone who, if you asked, wouldn't have given permission. So just explain that to him. Seriously, do it. . . see what happens.

*Note-- We actually do owe that guy something (think health care). It's just not the kind of something that should come after intimidation tactics at a routine traffic stop.

2. The Gene Hackman/Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio/Richard Posner/Judge Learned Hand Class Action Rule of Economic Analysis of Negligence:

If the burden of precautions (B) is less than the gravity of the injury (L) times the probability of the injury (P), then economically speaking, then you have no incentive to implement the precautions to avoid the accident. Let's say that, like in Class Action, Ford Motor Co. decides that changing a certain valve on one of its cars costs $100 per car. If they don't change it, they are sure to have at least 5 accidents. The accidents will certainly result in the deaths of those injured. If the average award in litigation for automotive negligence that leads to death is $5,ooo,ooo that's a $25,ooo,ooo cost to them. But, if they make the valve changes, say they put out 500,000 cars, they're going to be paying $50,000,000. In that case, they might as well let the cars go out and pay the negligence damages in court.

With one caveat. When the accidents do occur, the company will claim that they don't have to pay the damages because they weren't negligent. Why? Because the B was less than the P x L, which means that the company wasn't negligent? Do you see the cyclical argument there? You should. This is essentially what happened in Class Action.

3. The I'm-An-Asshole-Principle of No Duty To Rescue:

Let's pretend you are drowning in a river and I come across the bridge. There is a rope that I could throw to you and easily rescue you. You say "Please save me kind stranger." I say, "Make me. Free country." Why don't I just save you? I don't have to. There are several states that have passed statutes contrary to this rule, but the vast majority of states give us the right to choose not to help our fellow man. Oh, and be a world-class asshole.

4. The Don't-Incapacitate-or-Harass-Bill Gates-Rule:

Say I'm Bill Gates' boss at Microsoft. Humor for me and pretend that such a position exists. I begin to come-on to him, touching his inner thigh while he speaks at press conferences, whispering bitter somethings in his ear during lunch break. After being subjected to this sexual harassment, he quits. If Bill Gates can't get a job anywhere else in the industry because people are sick of his aggressive strategies to protect Microsoft's master code and freeze out his competition, he takes a job that he loves as a park ranger. (I honestly think that deep down most of us want to be park rangers). There's a good chance I'll be compensating him for "front pay" for a large number of years. Front pay is the difference he would have earned at Microsoft and his current job. Since this figure is approximately infinity, it is presumed that he will never recover the full judgment from anyone but himself.

5. The Supreme Court Exception in New York:

This isn't really a rule but I thought I'd include it anyway. In nearly all the states, the Supreme Court is the highest court in the system. New York is a notable exception; its highest court is the Court of Appeals. You will hear this fact no less than 50 times during the first week of law school.

Michael Jordan Endorses Barack Obama!

First Oprah Winfrey, then Cornell West, and now, finally, Michael "Mike" Jordan from Chicago is officially on board too.

It's true. Insurance agent Mike Jordan from Richton Park, Illinois, has quietly been pounding the pavement every weekend in Cedar Rapids in an effort to drum up support for his friend Barack Obama.

Read about it here in USA Today.

Full Disclosure: The Mike Jordan referred to in the story is the cousin of a faithful reader of Cornucopia, the Horn of Plenty. He is also, now, a friend of this blog. Cornucopia thanks him for all of his selfless efforts in Cedar Rapids and wishes him luck in his future endeavors.

Loebsack Breaks for Obama

It looks like the Iowa delegation in Washington is hedging its bets. Here's the story in the Register about Loebsack's Obama endorsement. Go Eastern Iowa.

Here's how the endorsements break down. In retrospect, it couldn't have happened any other way:

1. Centrist/conservative, experienced, uninspiring Leonard Boswell endorses centrist/conservative, "experienced," uninspiring Hillary Clinton

2. Fresh, inspiring, ballsy, trial lawyer from rural America Bruce Braley endorses fresh, inspiring, ballsy trial lawyer John Edwards from rural North Carolina.

3. Polite, soft-spoken, rookie U.S. Representative and former college professor from the midwest Dave Loebsack endorses polite, soft-spoken rookie U.S. Senator and former college professor from the midwest Barack Obama.

Dart league Playoffs: Round 2 vs. Joe's Place: The End of a Dream

We lost tonight. We lost bad. We didn't play well and we didn't win ANY close games. Even if we would have played the best games of our lives, I couldn't guarantee that we would've won, but at least it would have been nice to have made a game of it.

Mid-match our team captain bought tee-shirts for everyone in an effort to rally the team. I commend him for his effort, but the gesture proved ineffective and only made us feel silly as we sat in our new shirts and watched our opponents pound us into submission.

I have little more to say. The dream is dead. The miracle season is over. I will never play the piano again.

Thank you all so much for your support.

Dec. 17, 2007: The Most Important Day of My Life. Batting Average of .400

When I went to bed last night, I knew that today (or yesterday, seeing as it's past midnight) was going to be the most important day of my life.

Not only did I have my contracts test, which constitutes 1/3 of the most important tests that I will ever take, but more importantly, I participated in the quarterfinals of the Iowa City Dart League.

Today, December 17th, was the culmination of all of my academic and recreational efforts of the last 6 months. I was looking to go 2 for 2.

I'm sorry to report that I actually went about .8 for 2. Which, in a baseball context, means I'm batting .400, which isn't actually that bad. Note-- Nick Gregory often insulates himself from reality using excess amounts of industrial grade silver lining.

Here's a breakdown of the day:

1. The contracts exam--

Four essay questions, four hours. I worked, I wrote, I analyzed, I proof-read, I cited. I did everything I needed to do to make sure that I succeeded on that exam. Upon arriving at my apartment I realized that there were several issues I might have missed. However, I take solace in the fact that I can absolutely guarantee that I did not fail the test. I also believe that I couldn't have done better if I studied more. I now leave the result in the hands of a benevolent god (who I definitely believe in, wink wink, nudge nudge). Score: .8/1.

2. The dart game--

When I left the exam, I had about 2 hours to mentally and physically prepare myself for the most important game of the season. I had a good feeling all day long. Unfortunately, the miracle season came, rather unceremoniously, to an end. Read more about it in the next post.

Cornell West is The Man. Old School.

In other news, I got a chance to see Dr. Cornell West speak on Senator Obama's behalf on Saturday morning.

I'd just like to say that, without qualification, this was the best endorsement speech I've ever attended. Cornell West was everything that most stump speakers are not: creative, off-the -cuff, honest, poetic, and even, at times, humorously scandalous. (He mentioned on several occasions how partisan politics make him want to go "runnin' to the crack house").

Throughout his talk, he touched upon critical race theory, Hillary, Edwards, Oprah, John Coltrane, Alicia Keyes, Aretha Franklin, the progressive Vanderbilt, our fear of mortality, courage, prayer, blackness, post-negroism, honesty, and the mainstream media, peppering his speech with quotes from Shakespeare and imitations of stuffy politicians.

A lot of times when you go to these events, you get the feeling that people are just going through the motions and regurgitating the same shit over and over again while trying not to say anything different or unpalatable. This was definitely different.

His basic thesis went something like this: right away he wasn't sold on Obama, but after having spoken to him for around 10 hours on two separate occasions, he's on board. While he concedes that he's an old-school brother, he recognizes that Obama is a new-school brother. Cornell West is Aretha Franklin. Obama is Alicia Keyes.

Here are two of Mr. West's opinions that I found to be funny and/or astute--

On Mike Huckabee's chances-- Cornell thinks that all the other candidates are trying to out-conservative each other and it's going to fail. Huckabee is running as a right-wing populist. He cares about black people and poor people. He's a Neanderthal on a whole host of other issues, but he could make a run. Cornucopia, the Horn of Plenty, shares these thoughts.

On me, telling him thanks for coming-- "Stay strong young man."

On Oprah's typical cowardice-- Cornell loves the sister, but he's also a big critic of her. He loves the charity that she does and the schools that she builds in South Africa, but that's charity. Charity is easy. She's never made a public stand on important domestic issues and never gotten involved politically. He recognizes the fact that she's a entrepreneurial genius. She can't alienate her right-leaning, white, suburban housewives by being overtly political or she'll lose viewership and money. But c'mon, after your first billion dollars you can't start taking a stand for things you believe in can't you?

In conclusion, this is why I love Obama. People who usually don't believe in things believe in him. Call it the Kennedy effect. Oprah Winfrey, long a non-partisan-own-back-watcher, is ready to go on the campaign trail. Cornell West, not known for his support of partisan politics (didn't even vote for Clinton in '96 because of the welfare reform and the banking consolidation bills) is sold.

Here is Dr. West, keeping it real and sharing some of his thoughts on Obama before his endorsement:





But now he's on board. And so am I . And so is Oprah. And so in these last 15 days or so until the caucus, I only have four words for Senator Obama, the youngest, freshest candidate in the field, "Stay strong young man."

Register Screws Up

Hillary? Really?

Yes, it's true. The Des Moines Register just endorsed Hillary Clinton (and John McCain) for the Iowa Caucus.

What a waste.

Four years ago at least they knew to go with a surging candidate in Edwards. This year they've just boarded a rapidly sinking ship.

I Love Lists: A Foreign Policy Roundup

I usually only check my hotmail account about once per month because I don't get personal emails there any more. I do, however, get newsletters form different organizations and institutions. Among these institutions are: Oxfam, the National Peace Corps Association, the campaign against SOA/WHINSEC, and Foreign Policy Magazine.

I'll usually skim through anything as fast as I can, sign whatever petitions appear to be worthy and then head back to gmail. I'd be able to do this in about 30 minutes per month if I didn't get sidetracked. But I always get sidetracked. Why? The lists in Foreign Policy Magazine.

I'm a big fan of lists. When I was a kid I used to absorb lists of things like the top ten largest cities or states, or the ten tallest mountains or deepest seas in the world. I think I liked how an entire seemingly unmanageable field of study or inquiry could be consolidated into one little pocket size list of notable "bests" or "biggests." In case your curious, the top ten largest cities in the U.S. according to WatchMojo.com are: NYC, L.A., Chicago, Houston, Philadelphia, Phoenix, San Diego, Dallas, San Antonio, and Detroit.

The most recent Foreign Policy list came out a few weeks ago, but I figured I'd post it because it seemed pretty interesting.

It's called the Globalization Index, and ranks the countries of the world by the extent to which they are globally integrated. The index incorporates indicators such as trade, foreign direct investment, participation in international organizations, travel, and Internet usage to determine rankings of countries around the world.

If you want to see the feature article full with cool graphs, formulas, and explanations, click here. Otherwise, here's the executive summary:

1. Singapore (#1 4 of the last 7 years. Not too bad for a city/country hybrid)
2. Hong Kong
3. The Netherlands
4. Switzerland
5. Ireland
6. Denmark
7. United States
8. Canada
9. Jordan (apparently donate a lot to peacekeeping missions)
10. Estonia (dubbed E-stonia for commitment to internet commerce)

If you search around a little bit you can find all sorts of other cool lists like:

1. "Five countries that are building up their military" (China, U.S., South Africa, Venezuela, India), or

2. "Five of the most eligible world leaders" (Can you guess the American on this list? I'll give you a hint, it rhymes with Rondeleeza Brice), or

3. "The five healthiest countries." This list had cool little factoids about each country:

1. Japan (women longest living people on earth)
2. France (wine makes for less heart attacks)
3. Iceland (lowest child mortality rate on planet)
4. Sweden (14 % of govt. spending to health care)
5. Cuba (more doctors per capita than any other country)

Here's the page where all of this wacky lists are archived if you'd like to check out more.

I should really be studying for finals right now.

Dart League Playoffs: Round 1 vs. Team Gus

The first piece of the puzzle is firmly in place. There are 8 teams left, and three more games between us and the realization of all of our wildest dreams. I didn't play this game, but I'll be playing next week's quarterfinal match-up versus Joe's Place.

My sources indicate that the rounds broke down like this:

Score after round 1:
Club Car 10, Team Gus 6

Score after round 2:
Club Car 22, Team Gus 12

Score after round 3:
Because 22 points wins a game, and we are now in the playoffs, this round was not necessary.

We were the best team coming out of the second division, and Team Gus was the worst team coming out of the first division. So, even though we were seeded 9th and Team Gus was 8th, I really didn't view this as an upset. I don't think anyone else did either.

We'll save our upset for next week, when we play third seeded Joe's Place. Last year our end of the year run came to an end at Joe's Place, so this year should be all the more sweet when we get the V at the end of three rounds.

Until then, it's all hard work and focus. You probably won't be able to reach me for the next 4 days or so. I'll be at the gym. . . pumping iron and making sure my dreams will become a reality.

Is the Legal Institution Just Copying Hollywood?

Apparently the New York Times Magazine just came out with its 7th annual Year in Ideas feature. The Wall Street Journal Law Blog notes two legal ideas that made the list:

1) Nebraska state legislator Ernie Chambers suing God to prove some point about ridiculous lawsuits while bringing a ridiculous lawsuit.

2) The idea, championed by Eugene Volokh in a recent law review article, that terminally ill patients should be allowed to try experimental drugs that have passed preliminary FDA tests.

These are the two ideas that are worth talking about in 2007? If you can't tell by the italic emphasis on the word "these" that begins this sentence, I scoff at this.

It's not that they're not great ideas, because I happen to think that they both are. Especially the God one. I've had enough of floods, droughts, locusts and whatever, and I'm not ever going to be ready to give up pre-marital relations. Let's just call it a truce now Big Guy. How about it? I'm prepared to litigate to bring an end to it.

No, the problem is that if the point of the feature article is to "trawl the oceans of ingenuity" and snag the many "curious, inspired. . . innovations of the past 12 months," (NYTimes language, not mine), then surely the legal institution can do a lot better than this.

The items above may be curious, but they surely aren't ingenious. As for the suing God thing, hilarious Scotsman Billy Connolly did exactly that in a movie that came out in 2001 (a full six years ago!) called, appropriately, The Man Who Sued God. As far as I know, neither the Wall Street Journal Law Blog nor Congressman Ernie Chambers have properly cited this source.

As for the experimental drugs thing, that's not new either. How do I know? Because I've personally been saying the same thing now for years to anyone who will listen. I thought that the moral ambiguity involved with this idea kept The Constant Gardener, a great film, from being a super great film. The fact that they didn't delve into the idea that if the success rate of the drugs was 90%, as one of the corporate lackies suggested, then maybe it is a risk that people afflicted with terminal illnesses are willing to take.

I don't have the motivation to do any research on this right now (especially because finals begin tomorrow), but I assume humanity has been having this argument since we've had sick people and we've had experimental drugs.

Check in to the NY Times list in 2020, where they will finally get around to addressing email and grunge music.

Who Does Not NOT Like Mike?

I often find it mildly embarrassing when there are no posts of any interest in between my weekly dart posts. Seeing as tonight is Monday night, I'll need to act fast to avoid this result. That's why I've decided to make a quick post tonight about. . .

Mike Huckabee.

Out of all of the Republican nominees, I've decided that Mike Huckabee is the one that I fear the most. He's good-natured, he's quick, he's really funny, he's skinny now, he's handsome, he's got executive experience, he's got a rock band, and he's extremely non-threatening when he talks about his radical religious beliefs.

He's also been a governor from a right-leaning state in the South (quasi South?) a fact that has proved helpful in exactly 4 of the last 4 elections.

And that's not all. In every poll that I've seen (one) that asks voters who they would "not NOT vote for," he's number out of all the candidates. That means that nobody really doesn't like him. That's for all the candidates, Democrats and Republicans alike. In politics, what more can you ask for? Somebody like Hillary is at a huge disadvantage because around 49% of the people in the nation say they would never vote for her. This is a statistic (even if I'm embellishing) that Clinton's supporters refuse to acknowledge.

But back to Huckabee. Considering all of these super-great things about Mike Huckabee, I find it not at all surprising that he's streaking to the front of the pack in Iowa. I just saw on Keith Olbermann he was sitting at about 32% in Iowa, well above his closest competitor. I also saw on Keith Olbermann that back about 15 years ago (1992, about the same year that Magic Johnson came out as HIV positive) that Mr. Huckabee seemed to be miffed as to why we weren't "isolating" people who were HIV positive. He used the word plague. When asked about this he claimed he didn't know how the diseases spread back then. Which is odd, because any 12 year old kid knew incredibly well how the disease was transmitted. Ryan White anyone?

So it wasn't to surprising today when I stumbled upon this article from the Arkansas Democrat Gazette (billed as Arkansas' Largest Newspaper!). In case you don't have time to read it all, here are a couple great lines from the speech that Huckabee recently gave to an audience of Baptist pastors:

"The reason we have so much government is because we have so much broken humanity," he said. "And the reason we have so much broken humanity is because sin reigns in the hearts and lives of human beings instead of the Savior."

"Government knows it does not have the answer, but it's arrogant and acts as though it does," Huckabee said. "Church does have the answer but will cowardly deny that it does and wonder when the world will be changed."

Now I'm all for pandering, but this is getting kind of creepy. Government doesn't have the answer but Church does? If we were watching this same speech coming from an Imam in Afghanistan we'd probably find it frightening. We'd wonder why things are so different over there from over here, where the separation of church and state is so firmly established.

So why don't we find it frightening when we hear one of our candidates speaking like this? I think the answer is pretty simple: he's funny, he's quick, he's handsome, and he seems non-threatening.

Which makes me all the more scared.

Dart League Week 12 vs. Team Legalize It

Score after round 1:
Club Car 10, Legalize It 6

Score after round 2:
Club Car 19, Legalize It 15

Score after round 3:
Club Car 23, Legalize it 20

Last week, after months of fruitless searches, I found my Club Car darts t-shirt from the previous year. I don't think the significance of this event should be underestimated. Picture this: if the impossible happens, if we do we end up winning the title this year and become disgustingly rich and famous, I think a good deal of that will be due to having appropriate apparel the day of the big game.

True, I played in my Hiromatsu Japanese baseball jersey for several weeks. But Hiromatsu invariably produced mixed results. Why is this?

What people don't understand, and I certainly didn't as of one week ago, is that darts is a sport, like football or basketball, that you can't just use any old shirt to play in. Imagine a football player wearing Tiger Woods red polo for a big game. Would that fly for a football game? Of course not. Why? Because football players need the kind of protection that comes from wearing shoulder pads and helmets. They also need jerseys that clearly mark who is on each team so they don't start passing to anyone wearing a red polo shirt. In short, the needs of the game dictate the apparel of the game.

Darts is EXACTLY like that. How can I expect to play in a Hiromatsu baseball jersey and honestly expect to perform well? The buttons push against my abdomen, forcing me to be tense and uncomfortable, and the perforation of the jersey causes the airflow to reach levels that are abnormal and confusing to my body. This in turn makes me nervous, causing my hand to shake and my darts to fly imperfectly. It's just simple physiology. This doesn't even take into account the far more serious threat that, when I'm not wearing a Club Car jersey, half the time I don't even know whose on my team! Seriously, I just throw darts at a board, go home, and hope somebody sorts it out at the end.

True, I could look at my teammates faces or general body types to distinguish them. But eye-contact and human interaction make me extremely uncomfortable. I'm a dart-thrower, not a psychologist. A far more sound way would be to have everyone wear jerseys identifying which team they play for. That way we can be sure there will be no confusion once the lights turn on and the action begins.

It's quite clear that a black cotton t-shirt that says "Club Car Darts" is literally the only way to go. It all seems so clear now.

So, like a high school football player on game day (or grade school cub scout on picture day) I wore my jersey at school during game day. As I strutted through the halls, my peers slapped my back and lavished me with encouragement. I knew a lot was riding on this game tonight, and I wasn't about to let my community and nation down.

When I arrived at the Club Car, I could tell that we would have our hands full. The members of team "Legalize It" were at the line practicing, and the sweet smell of freshly smoked pot that permeated the men's room was a sure sign that they had been making preparations for some time now. They definitely weren't going to be taking this game lightly.

I was proven correct when, late in the game, either team had a legitimate chance to win it. And for that, team Legalize It should be applauded. Not everyone has the courage to stand up to a team that has won 8 straight matches and go the full ten rounds. But we were able to claw out a win despite their efforts and their practice, and despite their possible use of performance enhancing drugs (the latter is a topic for the Iowa City Dart League Performance Enhancing Drug Enforcement Agency, or, ICDLPEDEA. Considering they only have a staff of 23 local people and several volunteers, I honestly don't see them having the time).

So that's 9 straight heading into playoffs. Who would've thought that so much could be accomplished with just a little teamwork and a few comfortable cotton jerseys?